“Come and see your beautiful organized pantry, mama,” she excitedly spouted to me. Not kidding. She started in on it without asking or being asked. Pulling out all the random stuff that was in there and sort it it to the appropriate areas. Stale pretzels. Trash. Unopened Cinnamon Imperials to plop into homemade applesauce to make completely delicious Red Hot Applesauce. Keep. My dear child who has made the most epic messes all her life has turned a corner. In the midst of her wildly creative mind, she is looking for order. Creating order in little ways. Learning how to craft an organized space.
Over the past year, I have undergone a personal transformation from the inside outward. It is something I am still searching for all the words to explain, but in short, I have been on a healing journey in recent years that is coming to a culmination that can be expressed on the outside. I have always been a disorderly person. My space (desk, room, house) has always been the place where I let my hair down and let the clutter fly. For many years, I knew I was disorganized but I really didn’t care. I had much more important things to tend to. Like make sure I didn’t drown in my own grief. But slowly….very slowly…peace and calm and wholeness have been creeping in and taking up residence where there used to be a tangled mess, and as such our space has started to reflect the same. I celebrate my small victories.
In recent months I have applied myself to cleaning out and sorting out the physical mess of my life. I take little steps. Just one corner. Just one closet. Pulling out everything that is tucked and stuffed and piled. Find homes for things that have just been hanging out. Get rid of things that are unnecessary. And a special little girl has been watching. Learning. And together we are moving forward. I am learning how to take charge of our space.
Even when she was tiny, she found every bin, poured it out, touched and played with every toy. She wanted to see everything. Feel everything. Experience everything. And then move on to the next thing to dump out. I confess that I have been very annoyed with that habit if for no other reason than I have not been able to reel in the mess. But now I’m seeing that what I first recognized as an undesirable trait is possibly just half of the equation…that her obvious skill for removing everything from its place is actually a strength when paired with the ability to sort through, weed out, and set back in order what really matters. I see that it was her teaching me just what needed to be done. Get it all out in the open. Look at what you’re really working with. Sort out what is useful from what is not. Keep the good. Hidden potential coming to the surface in a beautiful way for both of us. All I know is, the kid is finding her way into my heart in a way that blessed me greatly, in part because she is such a physical help, and in part because I recognize that there is so much I don’t see until the Lord graciously reveals and sometimes we have to wait until a new season comes to understand why we have been where we’ve been.